Friday, 12 April 2013

Smart Phones the New Lighters

I go to a lot of gigs, really i do (check my music reviews if you don't believe me Vinyl Puppet) and the one thing I have noticed as I age is that at some point in history we all decided that you can't hold lighters up it must be a smartphone.

So the first step in this weird transition was in fact the banning of smoking from inside, meaning if you raised your lighter indoors your likely to thrown out like some weirdo who would dare pollute the fresh aroma of sweat, vomit and spilled alchohol. The banning of smoking indoors has resulted in a large number of people giving up smoking, not only that but there has been numerous advert campaigns to highlight the danger of smoking cancer sticks, I mean cigarettes. So why would you have a lighter if you didn't smoke, unless you were a full time arsonist or perhaps some survival camper who can't be bothered rubbing sticks together.

At the same time as smoking went from the coolest thing you could do to being the equivalent of taking a shit in someones kettle there was a dramatic race in the technology world. Not only was it enough that you could now phone someone on a device anywhere in the world, apart from that one place in your house were the signal gets sucked down a black hole. They went on to invent the camera phone, the worst invention since glass for ruining your privacy. I mean really you now have to be aware that on any night out anywhere doing anything someone is going to picture you doing it and then upload the picture to social media and tag you in it. What happened to the days of walking up remembering nothing about the previous night and happily going along your way with no recollection, now you wake up and tentatively check those 14 notifications you got on your Facebook and the three texts from your mum telling you she no longer considers you a blood relation.

So camera phones became cool and massively available whilst lighters went from the tool for cool to being a health hazard. Then it began to encroach on your enjoyment of music:

Your at a gig and you have a guy stood in front of you, this guy is pretty tall but "thats ok" you stand to the left slightly peering over his shoulder, the band comes on "wow yea great amazing", guy gets his smartphone out and begins to film it. "Whats this weirdness?" you ask as you try to peek through the gaps in his stupidly thick arms. You also notice he ain't even watching he's watching his camera to ensure he gets a good shot. "What A prick this dude is" does he have some mental illness that makes him disassociate from everything unless he's watching it on a TV screen. "Listen mate mind not filming it's getting in my view" you ask politely and he replies "Stand over there then" he replies without dropping the camera. "Look you idiot just watch the gig and stop filming it, nobody is going to think your the next Speilberg with shoddy camera work like that and nobody will view it on youtube because all they will hear is me abusing you and get seasick from your shaky hands" The next thing you end up tagged in a facebook photo lying on the ground bledding as a tall bloke towers over you with one hand pointing at you and the other pointed toward the stage.

So in essence it's not cool to use camera phone at the gig, the whole point is that you paid to see a bit of history, use your brain to record the memory because believe me watching a repeat on your tiny resolution camera will never be as good as remembering it from your mind, that gets better with age. I like that bands have now started asking people to not use them, in fact they should make it mandatory, not for copyright issues or any of that nonsense just purely because it shows you lack imagination and we already live in a world with too many gadgets, if you want that kind of experience then watch a video on your phone and donate your ticket to a real fan.

You've now read that argument thinking yea your right it is a stupid trend. Well here is actually the best argument for not using smart phonesat gigs, when you used to drop a lighter it would break costing you a total of 45p (like a quid these days) but a smartphone would be a lot more costly, not to mention if you saw a smartphone sliding across the floor at a gig likely that it would end up being stolen, all your videos of all those gigs gone, not to mention that topless shot you did for your ex!