Monday, 15 April 2013

Mobile Phone Signal - How Annoying

The news from Southampton today made me smile. A Falcon has decided to next on a Vodafone phone mast and this has meant it has been shut off until perhaps June or July. There are two reasons that make this story great, firstly we as a species develop too fast for the planet we reside on, bit like flies on a poo we take over and destroy everything in our path. The outrage of people who hear this story fill me with glee, I mean the birds natural habitat has this mass structure put up so we can send a text asking what's for tea on the train home instead of waiting the 13 minutes to find out first hand. The fact the company decided to shut it down I suppose is something although I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have if they didn't know the media would crucify them if they did anything else.

Secondly it makes me wonder that if in Southampton you have a bunch of people desperately trying to get a single bar on their phone. The phone signal is that modern day curse that can leave you looking like a frustrated bear with an itchy back. Some of my favourite ways people try to get signals are:

Putting it to your temple

Putting your mobile to your temple boosts the signal through your own brain waves making you more likely to get a signal....NO thats total bullshit you moron. You would not believe the number of people who believe this. Seriously tell someone it's a fact and see how many try it.

Standing on a chair

Unless your stood outside then this is a stupid idea, go stand next to the window or go outside it works better. Standing on a chair in an office block with three floors above you just makes you look moronic.

Rubbing it on your thigh

Remember when batteries used to run out, your parents would take them out rub them together and put them back in somehow getting a few more minutes of juice from them, it doesn't work with phone signals.

Getting the person next to you to turn their off

I once had a friend ask me to switch my Vodafone off because his Orange couldn't get a signal. I told him to stick to a land line, we are no longer friends.

So perhaps Southampton is now full of people desperately scrambling to stand on chairs and fighting for the space to get a good signal. Perhaps they should just go out and buy a bird to deliver their messages by flight it may be the future! And on the bright side with no phone signal there will be countless relationships still on the go because one of the parties can't send that break up text!