Not my Kids - 5 of the worst Uni jobs!

The best thing about higher education is that you can put off actually having to make a decision about your future career for another 4 years. Unfortunately unless your parents are wealthy and supportive then going to University is not the easy government grant funded adventure it used to be, more than likely as a student you will need a casual job. Paying for things when you move out of home is hard, beer and food alone can take up most of your student loan so how do you pay for accomodation and basic heating on top? Getting a job when a student can also be tricky, especially if you don't do retail!

So as a student what are some of the more popular ways to make money? Easy money is hard to come by especially if your looking for the kind of work that your parents would approve of, so maybe tell them that you got a job on the campus library and hope they never check your payslips!

Stripping

Taking your clothes off for money may be tempting, especially when you consider just how much money you could make but it may also lead to complications with friends and family. Just imagine your uncle walked in for a lap dance or your sister in law was throwing a hen party and you where there. Also think about how you might explain to your mum the bag full of sexy clothing you keep sending home to be washed!

Sperm Bank

Lets face it, whilst not attending lectures you will probably spend a fair amount of time jacking off to internet porn. Do not be tempted to turn this into a career path, students are the most likely group to donate to sperm banks but remember this isn't a decision to be taken lightly, you are potentially helping someone in need conceive a child, thats a real life!

Modelling

For those who are afraid of human interaction webcams have created a boom industry in online 'modelling'. Of course this just means stripping on camera, but be careful because you may be recorded and in ten years time when you apply for that law firm job, they do a quick google face recognition search and pow your porn career comes back to haunt you. The only good thing about cam modelling is that there is a niche for everyone, so even if you are the elephant man you could probably make some cash from it!

 Paid Writing

You really need to get into this for the long term, making money from writing won't happen  quickly and won't pay well unless you put the effort in. Doing paid surveys is just as useless, taking up lots of time and giving you little in return. Of course if you had been a savvy kid then you would already have a well established blog giving you a passive income by now!

Movie Extra

When I was a student I signed up to an agency for extra work, helps if you are in a big city as there are more films and TV shot there. The money is awesome and the job is fun, but you may find that competition is harder these days. If you don't answer you phone when they call you miss out and likely miss out on future jobs too, reliability at short notice is the name of the game!

Computer Game Movies - Does it Ever Work?

Since the 80's Hollywood have been dipping into the creative genuis of Computer games industry to find inspiration. Long gone are the days where it is all one way traffic, a quickly branded game sping off from a successful movie using an old licence for an actual playable game, simply a mechanism to milk more money from the fans with little or no thought. But has this reversed blend of user interactive small screen to big screen ever been a success? Here are five examples of game/movie crossovers.

Mario Brothers - $20m at the Box Office

Excluding regional based movies this was the first major motion picture to reach our screens across the globe in 1993. A game that entertained  generation had such a huge fan base that surely no matter how poor the film was it would be a success right? Eh well no, its hardly even available on DVD now and you won't find many copies of the VHS in lofts either, having all been gifted to the local charity shop!

Tomb Raider - $274m at the Box Office

So how do you make a good movie? First you need to get an A-List star to feature in it. Surely a gorgeous star is more desirable than a computer enhanced image, unfortunately they got this wrong and we quickly discovered the computer version of Lara Croft is indeed not only better looking but also a better actor! But this proved to be the first real money spinner in the Game to Movie industry.

Resident Evil - $102m at the Box Office

Many people don't realise where this franchise began, many believing the film and games go hand in hand, but true fans all know the origin was in one of the most addictive violent games of its time. Zombie culture is old hat now, with the rise of zombie TV shows and films it is all become very mainstream, but this means more and more fans coming to this series, often via the movies. 

Silent Hill - $97m at the Box Office

Groundbreaking games with atmosphere were not the common occurrence you see with HD graphics and online multi-player when Silent Hill gave us all a fright for the first time. This cloudy scare-fest was a sure fire hit for both the movie and the game, foggy and filled with haunting creatures all centered around finding your lost child.  

Prince of Persia - $335m at the Box Office

So before Prince of Persia the most successful cross over has come from the Horror Genre, with a much larger cult following than other genres. But this well made film, complete with believable acting just might have broken the curse. The biggest grossing Game to movie franchise to date.

So where next?

Call of Duty on the big screen or perhaps Grand Theft Auto the movie? Whatever the answer we can be sure that with sales of GTA and COD reaching over $500m in one weekend any movie is unlikely to be as financially viable.

Post Apocalypse Dating Tips

 There are many ways the apocalypse could happen, resulting in the majority of the human race being wiped out. So what do you do when you discover you are in a dwindling pool of singles? Here is some great advice to help you find a perfect match during this difficult time.

Check for bites!

There is not point in getting involved with someone who is about to turn into a flesh eating zombie, or begin to mutate from that radiation during the nukes. Health in a post apocalypse won't be like now, insurance will be nothing more than a paper document you once had and Doctors will be in high demand. If you do fall for a brain hungry gobbler then be sure to keep them on a tight leash, it may offend any other survivors you meet. 

Don't forget to Put the effort in

If Hollywood has taught us anything it is that we are most likely to find ourselves holed up with a gloriously beautiful person, with the apocalypse wiping out the competition your chance has never got better, but to be in with a real shot you do need to shower. Finding a fresh water source and looting some nice clothes may just be worth the risk!

Jealousy is a thing of the Past

With technology networks across the globe now rotting artifacts of a lost civilization then you need not worry about who has just messaged them on facebook, what emails they are getting or that their ex follows them on twitter. If however you still find yourself desperately paranoid then simply loot a decent lie detector kit, with instruction manual, more fun than a game of monopoly!

Avoid the Honey Trap

If I was an atractive single in a post apocalyptic world and needed to find food, shelter and a supply of entertainment I may just use my charms to con people. Don't be fooled by just anyone, just because you stumble across a hot lonely stranger this may not be fate it could in fact be a trap to rob you of your possessions.

Be Safe

You have to find shelter, food and water before you can etch out a life for yourself and your newly discover love. The last thing you need is a baby, so remember there are pharmacies in every town, go get some birth control!

And remember during the apocalypse the internet won't be working, so you cannot rely on online dating websites for your dating needs! If all else fails you can always try setting up a speed dating event, it's easier to go fast when there are hoardes of hungry zombies and looters at the door.

Top 5 Pranks to play on your spouse - The Revenge

So you have been the victim of a cruel prank by someone you thought was the closest to you? You may be feeling like you should strike back quickly but be patient, the thought of what you might do will be added torture for them.

1 - On the loo

 Two of the best types of pranks are bathroom pranks and sleeping pranks. The reason is because it catches them off guard but also because they don't immediately chase after you and give you a beat down! This prank is simple throw water over them and laugh, but sometimes the originals are best.

2 - Ouch up the nose

  

 People look so peaceful when they sleep, but of course not when they have a nose full of hotsauce. Just check for allergies before doing this one!

3 - Slippy when wet

  

Wait on your partner to go for a shower, then lace the floor with butter, easier to do depending on the layout of your bathroom but only works when they are coming out the shower so be stealth like. Another option would to be pour olive oil  under the door!

4 - What waterbed?

  

Your partner always going on about your extravegant spending? Why not surprise them with a water bed, when they first sit on it. they will be like wow its really wavy, until the water soaks through then the laughs begin. Be careful as this can get very messy!

5 - Slap bang wallop

  

Mindless violence is funny, a good hard slap on the bum can be insult enough but this is beyond funny when you also deliver a creampie to the face (not that type you perv). I can see how clowns made a living out of that kinda prank for decades, until they became creepy!

These T-Shirts come with Balls!

People choose their slogans on a t-shirt for a whole host of reasons, from comedy irony to proud proclamation of faith. Choosing when to wear them is key, but some people are either stupid or have some serious balls to pull off a provocative t-shirt in public. 

Here are some great examples:

1. Iran Election t-shirt

If you don't read the news then you won't be aware of the political tension between Iran and the US. The nuclear aspirations of Iran have long been a stumbling block for political discussions between these two countries and the rising tensions of religious beliefs between the two nations doesn't help matters. So when your voting in a predominently Muslim country in an election for a country that has been stifled in its nuclear goals by the US it takes some serious courage to wear a "God Bless America" T-Shirt. Of course it may have been worn ironically, but i wouldn't chance it!

2 - I'm a great dad

If your sick of your kids bringing their friends over the the house, eating all the food and generally making the place a pig sty, then perhaps your should take a leaf out of this guys book. Proclaim your greatness with your t-shirt whilst your choice of shorts will proclaim I am a total embarrassement to my kids. Short shorts are great, we all love short shorts but guys, with bellies shouldn't be sold these, it's like serving a drunk guy another beer, it just shouldn't be allowed!

3 - Creepy pulling t-shirt

Wow your t-shirt is hilarious for about five seconds, and if your wondering around on your own, with sunglasses on and randomly sitting next to hot ladies it is not cool, its very very creepy. Perhaps the sunglasses are to stop the stinging when you get maced?

4 - Gun Violence is cool!

Being a celebrity is difficult, every time you step out the door some red top paper has splashed your outfit for all to see. Many celebs make this work for them by promoting charities or their own new material, or perhaps even a political belief. But picking a subject so devicive is probably a tad too far, people won't like that Uzi and some people will love it. Let's find out on the ratings of your next TV show or film!

5 - Don't date my daughter

Fathers have tried many tactics to get their daughters to not date, from cleaning the barrell of your gun on the porch as he picks her up, to arm wrestling on dining room table. When this unfortunate girl missed curfew her dad got a t-shirt printed, the scariest looking picture he could find of himself emblazened onto her top will no doubt serve its purpose. I guess this would only work if your built like a brick shithouse!

If you have a great idea why not let us know!

Google+ - The home of Comedy and Advice

The rise of Google+ in the social networking market is both a blessing and a nightmare. The early adopters of Google+ were mainly bloggers and internet savvy business users, quickly claiming their business profile and beginning to churn out some seriously useful advice. The amount of support and advice, the ease of use and the great functionality meant this social network was a breath of fresh air. Facebook went all corporate and are trying to monetise their systems by force feeding you adds, reducing the newsfeed items from those you want to read replacing them with prominent marketing. Twitter became the playground of trolls and viruses, looking to annoy or infect you. Linkedin is the network for the professional and their complex user interface and difficult navigation makes it a labour intensive excercise. Myspace, do they still exist?

Where did it all go wrong?

Like any good party it starts to sour, the DJ has changed the record and the drunks start to appear. Google+ is now littered with the perverts, the teen angst and yes the cat pictures. What makes google+ really cool was the ability to share content that was good, but in doing this there are entire communities of people who do nothing but share other peoples posts, like some kind of weird echo. It obviously works with thousands following these echos, waiting on the next post they want to rip off, or perhaps in the hope they can share theirs.

Here are five things you will find you come across often on G+

1 - The informative post

2 - The Business post

3 - The 'Funny'

4 - The Political

5 - The Sex

It ain't all that bad!

Alas it isn't all doom and gloom though, you can be picky about who you follow, ensuring you encase them in a well titled circle so you can filter out the nonsense and noise and get to the gold. The other great thing about google+ is the communities, finding them may be increasingly difficult due to the number now on there, but once you get a good one that is well moderated you can find all the advice in the world. A blend of sharing good content and posting your own unique items is the best way to get ahead, as with anything on the internet black hat techniques may get you a thousand followers but it won't get you any quality. Engage with people, comment on posts and share their info but most of all don't post cat pictures, I hate them!

How to get rid of cold callers on the phone!

These days you have probably already registered for the telephone preference service or your local equivalent, but you may find you still get a ridiculous amount of unwanted calls on your phone. So here are some tricks about how to get those cold callers to stop ringing you.

1. Get a Whistle

A loud blast of the whistle will no doubt have the caller throwing their headset down on the desk, that individual won't be bothering you again.

2. Talk dirty to them

These cold callers are getting friendlier, asking your first name and referring to you as 'mate' or 'pal', why not turn the tables on them and get saucy, its sure to at least get them to end the call quickly.

3. Name Drop

Google is only ever a button press away so why not Google their cheif executives details and mention to the cold caller you are personal friends, they will either hang up or mark your account as VIP do not disturb!

4. Leave the Handset

Ask them to explain something then leave the phone off the hook, alternatively say "Oh thats my door i'll be back in a second" this might not immediately reduce the calls but at least the time they wait is time they ain't bugging some other poor sod!

5. Pretend Your the Cops 

The best one by far is to frighten the life out of the cold caller and pretend you are at a murder scene, check out the below video clip for the transcript of how to do this!

Of course the best example would be for you to simply change your number to a premium rate number and let them get charged to call you, making you lots of money and really annoying these cold callers. This may not be entirely legal unless you have a recording to warn callers of your premium rate and you may find yourself leaving your number on websites for quotes of things you don't want, mailing lists, and even bathroom walls, but remember this isn't a full time job it was meant to just stop cold callers!